Lets talk about sex…..
It’s enviable at some point in time when living overseas, you will crave certain things from home that you just can’t get. Comfort food, a good TV show, certain beauty nessarities, white clothes are just a few things that come to mind. For me it’s grits, IHOP,Taco Bell, The Bernie Mac show, and sex. Yep that’s right good ole S-E-X.
I’m 32 and scientifically that puts me in my prime. My body would agree with science especially when I surrounded occationally by young good looking males or on all those lonely dateless weekends. But the enviable question that I have echoed by my fellow female travelers are “Why aren’t we getting any?” While Asia is a ‘man’s world’ it is quite common for a western male, to drop off the plane and right into ‘it’. Very rarely do I encounter a western male, black or white, who hasn’t been able to take care of his needs. This is not to say that Asian women are freer or looser, it’s just more common for them to go outsider racial lines, to find “love”. Hence, the scales are tipped in favor of ‘da man’.
While reading posts on the local forum for people who live in Taiwan, one comment stuck out for me. A black female posted that she observed that black females are on the low end of the dating food chain .[sic] The irony of it is that she isn’t just commenting on black female status in Asia, but in general. It seems like from the time I was growing up to current times, the ability for a black female to find herself in a dating plethora, has gone like the Homeland security color levels. Difficult to impossible to dead. Many black females cry “Where are the good black males”. And the answer would seem to be , “Well, they are married to white women, taken, or gay.” That remains to be answered. While “good” black men, that one would desire, especially if one holds a degree, a prosperous job, and in my case, some world travel seem to be elusive, then why are we having trouble attracting anyone at all?
Could part of it be that the perception of black women now is that we are too much to handle? Too independent? Too verbal? Perception can be a tricky thing. It rarely has any truth to it. It is common that the perception of blacks outside of America is somewhat as negative as the one in America. Yet, I think the thing that makes it harder for a black woman in Asia to find herself the object of desire is exactly that-we aren’t usually considered to be desirable. Given the visibility of whites in various life roles, then the sex/dating scale tips in their favor.
You can count on one hand the black sex symbols we have. There’s Halle, Beyonce, Janet,etc. But these are women who are entertainers, who’s jobs require them to play that role. It is rare to see a nameless sexy black women in an ad, or somewhere else. And Asia takes it’s fad lead from America, so what is stamped with the US Grade of desirability there is generally the same over here. We do not saturate the market as models, teachers, and business people. So the fact that we aren’t in Asia in high numbers, doesn’t give Asians a great amount of chance to interact with us. To explore our personalities, and natures. They pretty much go based upon their own thoughts/beliefs and ones given to them by others.
White women here, fair a little easier but not much. They first must contend with beliefs that they are ‘loose’ or ‘very sexual beings’, like Carrie and co. in “Sex and the City”. And that doesn’t work in their corner at first. Men don’t generally like to feel intimidated, especially when it comes to the bedroom. So, Asian men may tend to be reluctant in part with dating a white woman, due to those beliefs. Then on the other hand, white women are considered ‘desirable’ by their own men, therefore in Asia it can be a lucky toss up because if they choose not to date outside the race, there is plenty of white males to choose from. And vice versa for the males. I think that Asian men tend not to have to go outside the race, to begin with because there is no ‘shortage’ of suitable Asian women to select from. The conversation about Asian women, is generally is that they are desirable and/or a good companion.
Compatibility is high on the list here. And who else would be compatible but someone who is common in ethnic background and looks. Of course, you also want someone you can eventually bring home to the ‘family’ but familiarity I think is a strong determining factor in the dating process. The language barrier can also prevent many a love connection here as well as other factors in the international relationship arena. Asian tend to ‘look after one another’ in the dating arena. It’s not uncommon for a couple to have been introduced to each other by their friends, workmates, or family. The belief of unity/familal ties that is still strong that helps enable Asians make the dating process fairly easier. Now when you take all of the above into consideration, it seems that there’s no room for love or a nice romantic fling for a black woman. Not so. We may just have to reinvent the rules of love so that they work in our favor.
Given my ‘extensive’ time period of lack of love, I have come to the belief that some of it was good and some of it about as frustrating as waiting in the DMV line. Of course the time has given me perception or space to form what I want in a relationship, all that blah blah blah. Going to a night club, to find someone, is not an option for me, and I have tried internet dating only to find that most of the Asian men that responded were more interested in improving their English abilities. Vibrator-nah, cause the feeling of all the ‘sportmanship’ in sex ain’t even there. So, what’s a good black woman gonna do? Who knows. There’s an answer out there, but for now I guess I have to keep on making sure that everything looks nice when I go out, and just hope that fate is a real thing.